(aka Vegetarian Chilli)

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In Montreal, we’re slowly moving out of the season of darkness, during which, comfort food is a survival must. Nevertheless, after the sun sets, you will often find a nippiness in the air, and a wholesome bowl of chilli gives you a warming glow that lasts for hours. Hooray! Back in my carnivorous days, I would make my chilli with ground beef. Now I’ve switched to veggie ground round, I find the taste preferable to that of its excrement-and-steroid laden forebear!

Let me plug here the merits of adding lotsa vegetables to your chilli. Not only is it healthier, you will also find it gives a fuller flavour. Spicy meat sauce + a few limp beans = sad. Lean, flavour-bursting veggie explosion = happy.

Ingredients

Butter
Red or white onion
One zucchini
Green pepper
Red pepper
Can of mixed beans (fava, kidney, etc)
Can diced tomatoes
And one real tomato!
Can tomato paste
Old El Paso Chilli Mix
Tablespoon of brown sugar
Dash of soy sauce
Veggie Ground Round

Before I begin, I’ll dispel the potential puzzlement at some of these ingredients. Why the heck have 1) fresh tomato 2) diced tomato 3) tomato paste? Well, let me tell you, chilli is the one food I have consistently eaten since I moved out of the home in 1994. I’ve experimented with everything. And my experiments have shown me that the three sources of tomato specified above will give you a chilli of the most perfectly exquisite texture. Not too soupy, not too gloopy = Just right!

Mode d’emploi

Chop up your onion and sizzle it with some butter in a big pot on a medium heat for three minutes and twenty-seven seconds. Your onion should melt with tenderness. (Note: unless otherwise noted, you can generally assume that any of my recipes will begin with sizzling an onion and butter. Onion & butter are a sacred combo and the prerequisite to lasting happiness in life.)

Chop up everything else. Throw it in the pot. Throw the various tomato concoctions into the pot. But don’t add your beans or veggie ground round yet. These must be saved until last. But ensure you’ve added everything else!

Crack open a fine beer. Chilli eaten without beer has been proven to generate less lasting happiness than chilli consumed with beer. And please, no Molson, Budweiser, Coors, or Labatts. Why? Because those beers are extracted from the teats of lab rats living in a giant corporate factory. These rats have been cruelly genetically manipulated to produce tasteless and odourless body fluids. So by drinking the aforementioned “beer” brands, you’re not only propping up corporate hegemony, you’re also being cruel to animals.

Next! Well, if you’ve followed the instructions correctly, probably about 45 minutes of beer-drinking pleasure have elapsed by now. It’s time to add the veggie ground round and beans to your chilli. Simmer away on medium for another 15 minutes. Then eat!